![]() ![]() I can clearly see now, years later after all the emotion and attachment is completely gone, we never would have reached that level of intimacy that is ultimately valuable to me in a relationship. When I think of relationships that didn’t work out for me in the past (ones where I wanted things to work out and I got dumped), I realize that the woman I was with at the time was never going to be that woman with me. MORE: 10 Telltale Signs He’s Ready to Settle Down When I realized it, I mentally revisited my past relationships and realized something very important that I want to pass along to you… Now, in my thirties, I realize how much I value having a woman who actually “gets” me … a woman that I can talk to for hours every day and never feel bored … a woman who I can laugh with for hours and hours on end … a woman that I know how to be there for and who knows how to be there for me. Personally, I needed to date around and experience several relationships before I had a good understanding of what I actually wanted, valued, and what resonated with me in a relationship. In my late teens and early twenties, for example, I knew that I wanted a girl that had a hot, fit body and a beautiful face. (If this situation sounds familiar to you, be sure to read this article on Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship.) Sometimes the relationship started out well and then over time disintegrated into something that resembles resentment and abuse rather than love or respect. Sometimes the relationship was never good to start with, but the woman wants me to show her “relationship magic” to “make it work.” This is what I equate to trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. They describe what it’s like to be with their man and it almost sounds like they’re talking about their arch-enemy… there is no comfort, no trust, no compatibility. I would have just as much fun driving in the car with them and chatting as I would doing something “exciting.”īetween those two extremes, there are all sorts of people who fall somewhere in the middle.Īs a writer who talks about dating and relationships, what has always amazed me when it comes to relationships is how people completely disregard compatibility. Being around them doesn’t require effort and I don’t want anything from them. In my personal life, I meet all sorts of people. Some people are easy and fun to be around … I can spend hours with them, talking about things, laughing about things, and just genuinely enjoying their company. MORE: Guy Talk: Undeniable Signs a Man Is Ready to Commit So one of the most important ways to make a guy commit is to understand the reality of relationships, love, and your specific guy. Who you choose is by far the most important factor in all relationships. The original article came off cold, harsh, and even depressing because I had left out the most important element of all when it comes to how to get him to commit. So in this revised version, I made sure to convey the one most important piece of the puzzle immediately at the beginning. ![]() I have a confession to make, when I was revising this article to get it ready for publishing, it was three ways to make him commit… not four. She needs to reach him at that level by recognizing his ambitions, his fears, his motivations, his “mission” in life and where he ultimately wants to “win.” Men don’t start out there when they first meet a woman, though. When you understand and master the art of tapping into the deep parts of a man’s psyche, he will want to move mountains to possess you. Sure, that woman might cook him dinners, perform in bed, and tell him how much she likes him, but none of that stuff penetrates a man’s psychology on a deep and meaningful level.įorget about just getting commitment. Instead of focusing on the feelings and experience they create for the man, the woman fixates on her own wants, her own worries, her own fears.Īnd amidst this completely self-absorbed mindset consumed by what she wants, it’s no wonder that she’s unable to hook a man’s interest in a significant way, one that goes beyond just hooking up. So what’s the major error that trips women up? It’s their focus. Being that woman is a much different mindset than what most women typically do these days. What men desire most is a woman who inspires them to be their best self.
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